It Had Been a While…
by NevadaRose
Summary: ATC to the season 18 episode "The Brothers".


This is an ATC to the Season 18 episode "The Brothers". Season 18 starts out with Matt in Oregon – of all places! – and continues with him in Arizona and on various other trips. Although Kitty shows up in some of the episodes, she generally has about as much character, and as many lines, as a coffeepot or a hitching rail. And then along comes something brilliant like "The Brothers" which ends in a thoroughly satisfying and almost public embrace. The next show of the season is "The Hostage". So I figured there must have been something wrong going on, and it would be a good thing to get it fixed up before the bottom falls out of everything when Jude Bonner shows up.

* * * * * I don't own these characters, I just take them out to play from time to time. * * * * *

It Had Been a While…

They stood in front of the bar at the Long Branch. The batwing doors were still swinging where Newly, Sam, and several other men had just carried Cord Wrecken's body out the saloon. The shotgun that Kitty had threatened him with still lay on the counter and she hadn't even checked to see whether or not it was loaded. But Matt was there beside her, and she didn't know if she cared for anything else in the world.

"There aren't any more brothers are there?" Kitty asked.

Matt shook his head, "That's the last of them, Kitty." Her arms moved around his waist and he pulled her close, patting her back. Kitty felt safer than she had since the whole incident began. She wanted to stay there in his arms and never move.

Well, someone has to take a chance, she thought. Even if he says no, it can't be any worse than it's been the last few months. "I know you have to go clean all this up, Matt, but will you come back and stay with me tonight?" Kitty asked, not looking up at him. "Please?" It had been a while since either of them had asked the other.

She felt him stiffen a little, but his arms didn't loose their firm hold. "You know I will if you want me to, Kitty," he said. His hands moved up her arms to cup her shoulders, and he moved her back from him just slightly. "Will you be all right here for a little bit? It'll take me half an hour to get things settled." He hesitated just a moment and then went on, "I'll need to tell Festus where to find me."

She smiled up at him a little tremulously. "I know, Matt. Festus doesn't bother me."

He looked down at her, his heart full, and dared bending to place a brief kiss on her lips. He hadn't done that in a while, either. "I'm glad you're not hurt, Kitty. I was… so scared he would kill you." He whispered the last part.

"So was I, Matt," she said, softly, then, moving back a step, she told him, her voice sounding more like itself, "I'll come down and let you in."

Half an hour gave her time to change out of the blue silk dress, wash, and put on a nightdress and robe. And time to wonder if she'd done the right thing. Until yesterday, Matt hadn't even been up to her room since he'd returned from Oregon more than two months ago. And that visit had involved a Bowie knife and an attack on one of her girls. A least it proved he still knew the way.

It was true, he hadn't been in town all that much during the last few months. The trip that he and Newly took to Arizona Territory had taken almost as much time as the Oregon trip, and she'd heard Newly mentioning something to Doc about a woman named Sarah. But Matt hadn't talked about that to her. He hadn't talked about much at all. And she was honest enough to admit that she'd missed that as much as she'd missed his private visits to her room. They'd see each other nearly every day, have drinks or coffee, chat a little, listen to Doc's woes and Festus' tall tales… but not once had he come by at closing, or come into her office, or suggested a private conversation. Still it was clear he'd cared deeply about her danger from Cord Wrecken. And tonight, as they'd carried Wrecken's body out of the Long Branch, he'd come over without hesitation to hold her, and his arms had felt so familiar and so promising.

Kitty finished brushing out her hair, and headed down the stairs to wait for him by the front door. He came in looking tired. She smiled at him, blew out the last lamp, and led him up the stairs. Once in her rooms, she'd locked the door behind them and tentatively moved back into his arms. His grip was firmer now. He dropped his hat on the table and buried his face in her hair. "Come to bed, Matt," was all she could think of to say.

She let him go, and watched as he hung his hat and gunbelt and then went into the washroom. Kitty blew out all the lamps except the one by the bed, and she turned that one low. She pulled down the covers and sat in the bed waiting for him.

Matt sat to take off his boots, then stood to strip off his clothes, hanging them on a chair. He looked at her there on the bed, shining hair falling around her. "I've missed you, Kitty," he said simply, and blew out the light.

"I've been right here the whole time, Matt," she told him.

He lay down and turned to face her, and she moved straight into his arms. It seemed so right, so solid and comfortable. He sensed himself begin to let go for what seemed the first time in months.

Kitty felt the tightness beginning to seep out of the muscles of his back and shoulders, and she rubbed firmly between his shoulder blades and up at the back of his neck. Just holding and touching him seemed enough for the moment.

Eventually, Matt turned on his back and snugged Kitty against his right side, tucking her face into his shoulder. He was indeed tired, bone tired, but he didn't want to sleep. He wanted just to revel in the feel of her in his arms. Well, he wanted more than that, but he wasn't sure she did. He told himself that maybe she just wanted him here with her to help her feel safe after Wrecken's attack. It had been a difficult week and a hard night for them both. He lay still, hugging her secure against him.

Kitty had to know. She was so glad he'd agreed to be with her, and she loved the feeling of his arms around her, but she had to know. Was he just being kind, or was there still more to it between them? She reached a soft hand down across his belly and felt his swift, sure rise as she caressed him. Her sharply indrawn breath met his gasp, and his hand was on her face, lifting it to his lips. His kiss was tender, but she felt his restraint. "It's all right, Kitty. We don't have to do that if you don't want to."

"Matt, I'm not sure quite how we got into this mess, but can we talk about it later?" she said, "I want you something fierce, and it seems pretty clear you want me. I needed to know that, cowboy. I wasn't sure. We've been doing this for quite a few years, you think you remember how?"

He did. There had been lots of ways over the years, but he did the simplest and most familiar - holding the back of her head with one hand so that he could kiss her deeply and using the other to cup her breast, moving his thumb and then his fingers against her nipple. She responded to the kiss with her warm tongue, her hands still moving on him firmly. He let himself groan just a little against her mouth, and then moved his head down to suck her breasts and his hand to stroke lightly between her legs to feel if she was wet. She was. His hand moved up, spreading the wetness between her lower lips. Kitty's hips bucked up against his hand, and she moved her legs wide apart in urgent invitation. It was enough. He moved over her and into her, tight and warm. She crossed her ankles behind his knees, lifting her hips against him as he moved inside her. It had been too long. Neither of them could wait. "Matt, please, now," her voice was low and eager and he responded, pumping into her, feeling her muscles tighten around him, hearing her almost soundless cry. He let himself go, coming hard inside her.

It took him longer than usual to roll off of her and release her from the weight pushing her into the soft mattress. She didn't mind. It was a little hard to breathe, but she was pretty sure that was from something else. Something she'd missed a lot. She rolled with him when he finally moved, lying on her side to face him. His big hand came up to stroke her cheek, caress her hair, and she remembered that he had killed a man for her just an hour ago. He'd taken a life to keep her safe.

She was still trying to think of what to say, when he spoke, "Does this mean you're not mad at me anymore, Kitty?"

"I haven't been mad at you, Matt," she told him, "Just hurt and frightened and lonely." She paused, "It seemed to me you didn't want me anymore. I thought maybe something happened while you were away." She hesitated again, "Or someone."

"Oh, Kitty, no," his voice was rough. "You know better than that. All this time, you have to know better than that."

"Maybe." It was all she could say and still manage to keep the tears out of her eyes and her voice.

They lay close in the darkness, in the quiet, in the familiar bed. "The one time I tried to ask you, right after I got back from Oregon, you put me off, honey. Made me shy to try again. And then there was the robbery, and we were off to Arizona…" After Arizona he'd felt guilty, and he knew he'd held back from Kitty. It hadn't been anything, really, an old flame from a long, long time ago. Sarah has told him she had loved him, back then, and he'd had to do a few things to defend her in the here and now, but he hadn't slept with her, hadn't even kissed her, although probably, he admitted to himself, he could have done either if he'd wanted to. Slowly, he told Kitty about what had happened.

She listened, asked a question here and there. It wasn't the first time that a woman had surfaced from Matt's past. Probably wouldn't be the last. But it didn't seem enough to have kept him away from her. Had he really approached her when he got back from his long and violent trip down the river in Oregon? Could she have turned him down? She tried not to do that, unless there were some real problem, or she was bleeding. And with that thought she suddenly remembered. She'd been doing inventory in the back room, she'd just started her monthly, and was feeling crabby and sore. And every box she opened made it clearer their order had been shorted. She didn't even remember what Matt had said, but knew her answer must have been pretty sharp. Had she even understood what he was asking? She honestly didn't remember.

They'd been silent for a while now. She needed to tell him it didn't matter, about Sarah, and she did, because it didn't. Then she tried, "Matt, you said you asked me, after you got back from that trip on the river. Was that when you came into the back room there at the Long Branch? I was doing inventory, and the boxes were short?"

"Maybe. I just remember asking if you wanted me to come by after you closed. And you were pretty clear you didn't want anything to do with me."

"Oh, Matt. I didn't mean it like that," she almost cried, "I'd just started bleeding, and I was mad at the world, and at whiskey drummers in particular, and I don't even remember what you said. Looks like I _am_ the one who started this, and I am so sorry."

He thought about it, then. When had she ever turned him down without a reason, a reason she'd make damn good and sure he knew? "Guess I should have figured that, Kitty, if I was as smart as you seem to think I am," he told her with some chagrin. After all the years they'd shared a bed he knew she didn't want him around while she was bleeding each month, that she was cranky and uncomfortable and just wanted to be left alone – though sometimes he'd come up and sit with her before she went to bed, or lay with her for a while and hold her warm against him if it were cold. "You'd think we'd both know better by now, Kitty."

She hid her face. "I thought maybe you didn't want me anymore, Matt. I mean I know you care about me, and you treated me just the same, out there in the barroom, on the street, having dinner and all, but it was like you were just being polite, being friendly like you would with anybody."

"Kitty, I couldn't have been that bad," he was appalled, "Could I?" He felt her head nodding against his chest, but she didn't answer him. "Well, look here, Kitty, you need to just stop thinking like that. You know how I feel about you, how much I care for you, nothing's going to change that, so you just believe it."

Figuring that was a close as she'd ever get to a declaration of love, Kitty moved up to give him a kiss. "I love you, too, Matt," she said, "I'm sorry I started this, even if I didn't mean to, and I'm glad it's over." She snuggled against him, "It's so good to have you here."

Talking with him, telling him about how Wrecken had gotten in the back door of the Long Branch, what he'd said, about firing the empty derringer, and still wondering if the shotgun from the bar were loaded or not, she finally felt they were back where they needed to be. This had always been the place for private conversation, laying, spent, side by side, touching each other. She'd missed the intimacy of their conversation she thought, as much as the intimacy of their bodies.

And now Matt was telling her his side. How he'd deputized a dozen men, how they'd found the papers hidden in the drummer's locked case, and thought they'd found the murderer. But as he talked, Kitty noticed that he was tugging gently at the silk nightgown she still wore, moving it up around her waist, turning her a little at a time to get it out from under her hips. As he finished his story, he sat her up next to him and lifted the gown over her head. "We've been doing this for quite a few years," he said, echoing her earlier words, "You think you still remember how?"

She chuckled a little, low in her throat. It had been a while since he'd suggested a second go round. Maybe there was something to be said, after all, for making up – even if they hadn't really had a fight. "Well, if I forgot, Matt," she said, "You could always show me."

"Yeah," he said, kissing her neck, "I could, couldn't I?"


End file.
